UK’s Official Color No Longer Royal Blue; Now Merely Regal Blue

Published on Oct 15, 2012 in Campus

It was made apparent Sunday night, in an early morning (3:27 a.m.) email from university President Eli Capilouto, that rumors of an official university color change are true.  UK’s official school colors have changed from royal blue and white to regal blue and white. The email was sent to the Colonel at approximately 6 a.m. yesterday morning via an anonymous source and was addressed to a Maxine Rodgers.  Little is known about Ms. Rodgers...

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Ron Paul Revealed as Secret Anti-Colonial Agent

Published on Oct 15, 2012 in U.S.

Verifying GOP paranoia over the infiltration of America by un-American forces, evidence has emerged that paints Ron Paul as a radical anti-colonialist seeking to destroy America by fracturing the most patriotic party in America. Documents detail Ron Paul’s dual membership in the Nation of Islam and the Society for Redistribution for Sons of Liberated Youth (SRSLY), a libertarian front organization for the destruction of American interests...

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UK Sues United Kingdom Over Copyright Infringement

Published on Oct 15, 2012 in Campus, World

Officials at the University of Kentucky announced earlier this week that legal actions are going to be taken against the United Kingdom on the grounds of copyright infringement.  A spokesperson from the university said that the lawsuit aims to “eliminate the United Kingdom’s blatant disregard for the copy-written university ‘UK’ logo,” adding that, “We were here first, and the United Kingdom should, I don’t know, pick something...

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Horoscope Forecast 10/8/12 – 10/14/12

Published on Oct 8, 2012 in Horoscopes

Aries (March 21 – April 19) You’ll enjoy a little bit of chicken fried; cold beer on a Friday night. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) The acute triangular positioning of Jupiter, Neptune, and Uranus this week suggests that it may be time to for you to lay off of the crystal meth. Gemini (May 21 – June 20) Patience is a virtue. On that note, you should definitely not wait until the end of the week to figure out that your roommate has been...

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Obama: supreme court? ndaa? LULZ. im Prez. i do what i want.

Published on Oct 1, 2012 in Front Page, U.S.

Last night, the Supreme Court, in an almost unanimous vote (you know who dissented), declared the indefinite detention provision of the National Defense Authorization Act (NDAA) as “blatantly unconstitutional.” “This provision violates virtually every right I could possibly think of. It sweeps habeas corpus under a rug and asks us to forget what happened to it,” remarked Associate Justice of the U.S. Supreme Court Stephen...

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