Haggin Hall Resident Unhappy With Roommate

Published on Nov 14, 2012 in Campus, Front Page

Haggin Hall resident Arnold Rappaport stated that he is dissatisfied with roommate Jake (Loughlin) in a press conference a few hours ago. A disgruntled Rappaport grumbled that he couldn’t handle Loughlin’s numerous quirks any longer. “It’s bad enough that he says ‘scuse me’ after every time he blows his nose. But now I learn that he keeps his socks in his underwear drawer, and that he’s never even played lacrosse? I can’t live...

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Horoscope 11/12/12 – 11/19/12

Published on Nov 13, 2012 in Horoscopes

Aries (March 21 – April 19) You will die in a tragic snowboarding accident and immediately regret your life of shameless promiscuity as you are reincarnated as a sea cucumber. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) You will receive two creepy stares and a miniature Bible on your Thursday walk to class. Gemini (May 21 – June 20) Wise men say: only fools rush in. And they are correct; you shouldn’t rush into your decision on marrying Christian...

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John Calipari Accepts UK Football Head Coaching Job

Published on Nov 9, 2012 in Campus, Front Page, Sports

Just a couple of days after Mitch Barnhart announced that Joker Phillips won’t be coming back with the team after this year, John Calipari has issued a statement that he will be accepting an offer for the position. Calipari, who has a 547-154 record after 20 years as a head coach, has yet to lose a game at home with his current team, the Kentucky Wildcats. He also has a reputation for strong recruiting and leadership, traits that Kentucky...

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“K-Lair” To Be Renamed “Something Other Than Commons”

Published on Nov 7, 2012 in Campus

Following a month-wide study of students living in South and Central Campus, University of Kentucky Dining Services is officially on the brink of renaming campus favorite “K-Lair” to “Something Other Than Commons”. According to the study, more than 90 percent of students said that their main reason for visiting K-Lair in a hypothetical situation would be because they needed a change of pace from the food at Commons’ Market. Another...

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Being Tall Might Not Be Easy, But It’s Cake Compared To Being a Tall, Rich, White Male

Published on Nov 6, 2012 in Features, Front Page

by Kevin Elpenor The UK Kernel came out last month claiming that being tall isn’t as easy as it seems. And while I would wholeheartedly agree with this statement, I would say that those who are simply tall have it a lot easier than a certain group of others. Being tall is certainly a hurdle to overcome, but what about those who have two, three, or even four hurdles to jump over? Don’t get me wrong. Being taller than average...

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