Facebook: Like this Page and Make a Difference

Published on Mar 29, 2013 in Front Page, U.S.

On Monday, Christie Lang changed her Facebook profile photo to her favorite childhood cartoon character.  When asked why, Lang responded,  “My aunt posted on Facebook that if I change my photo, one less child would become a victim of abuse.” These Facebook vigilantes have popped up across the social networking society.  Last week, one group of twelve high school seniors all liked a photo that would raise one dollar for starving children...

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Archeologists Discover White Men Haven’t Been Able to Jump for Centuries

Published on Mar 23, 2013 in Front Page, World

With a recently discovered trove of ancient Caucasian skeletons in central Africa, archeologists have been able to determine that white people have not been able to jump for centuries; at least, those are the results of some preliminary tests conducted on the Caucasian remains. Archeologists are considering this to be the honey hole of the modern era within the field of Caucasian Studies.  The excavation site has been buzzing with reporters and...

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U.S. Banks, Weapons Corporations, and Government Tired of Working with Violent Drug Cartels; Seeking to Break into New Markets

Published on Mar 20, 2013 in Front Page, U.S., World

According to a new report, more than 250,000 guns are smuggled from the United States into Mexico every year.  Most of these guns end up in the hands of violent drug cartels, who then use them to kill innocent civilians and solidify their draconian chokehold on the populace. U.S. weapons corporations, however, are beginning to get tired of working with these cartels. “We’ve saturated the market, you see,” Hank Larson, Director of Public...

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Sophomore Treated Unacceptably by Rude Asshole of an Ex-Boyfriend

Published on Mar 18, 2013 in Campus, Front Page

Ex-boyfriend Chris Burkley reportedly treated sophomore Lydia Wilson in a completely disrespectful manner earlier today. Burkley has recently had a tendency to have his head stuck up his ass, but this time, oh, did he cross a line. Not only did Burkley, in an unforgivably inconsiderate manner, blatantly ignore Wilson as she passed him on campus, but he also didn’t reply to her tweet at him, nor has he texted her in close to a month. That...

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Your Weekly Horoscope

Published on Mar 17, 2013 in Front Page, Horoscopes

Aries (March 21 – April 19) There is a high probability that you will not be kidnapped or stabbed this week. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) As far as luck goes, you will have way more than enough of it this week. Hey, if the stars had to guess, you could probably even get away with driving blacked out a few times. Gemini (May 21 – June 20) You will lose everything you have in a high-stakes game of rock-paper-scissors. Cancer (June 21 – July...

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