Sochi Not So Bad After All

Published on Mar 10, 2014 in Front Page, World

It is hard to believe that the accommodations at Sochi have not been well regarded by the other reporters and visitors to the city.  I found the city to be very comfortable and interesting.   We arrived three days before the opening ceremony and were received by the nicest hotel staff.  They told us that if the water came back on we shouldn’t use it, as it contained poisons.  How nice! They shut off the water, which was surely tampered...

Read More

Flocks of Graduate Students Begin Yearly Migration From Patterson Office Tower to Willy T

Published on Mar 7, 2014 in Campus, Front Page

Lexington — It’s February which means that the graduate students have begun their annual return back south to Willy T. This time of year always peaks interest in the study of graduate student behavior, especially that of traveling in packs around campus. The Colonel sat down with Lexington ornithologist Jack Willis to get a better understanding of the graduates’ behaviors. “The first thing you’ll notice is that they...

Read More

Google to Release Condoms

Published on Mar 6, 2014 in Front Page

Mountain View, CA – Recent years have proven that Google is much more than just a search engine; it’s an empire. While some argue that Google needs to focus on making its search engine better, there’s no denying that they’re making an impact on the world of technology. Google’s next release is sure to have your nerves (the ones right around your groin area) tingling with anticipation. Google plans to release the new Google Condom by...

Read More

Student Uses Pencil Sharpener; Classmates Panic

Published on Mar 5, 2014 in Campus, Front Page

University of Kentucky – Last Thursday, an unsuspecting 8AM circuits class in FPAT (if you don’t know where that is, don’t worry, it’s for the smart people) was about to get rocked. In the middle of a lecture, second-year engineering student Lee Cooper ran his No.2 Paper-Mate pencil just a little too dull. He proceeded to stand up, walk to the rusty, cobwebbed pencil-sharpener, insert his pencil, and slowly crank the knob. Upon hearing...

Read More