Flares Used To Prevent Roosting In William T. Young Library

Published on Dec 10, 2014 in Campus, Features, Front Page

LEXINGTON, KY- Autumn brings cool air, falling leaves, and freshman girls pining for romance. However, the natural unhappy state of these lovelorn creatures was interrupted when this year’s K Book announced that the fifth floor is the “best place on campus to get a date.” Since the arrival of pumpkin spice lattes, freshmen have flocked to the library to make nests on the fifth floor. Librarian Sylvia Snow is perplexed about the...

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McConnell Concedes Senate Power to Sauron

Published on Dec 4, 2014 in Elections, Features, Front Page, U.S., Uncategorized

WASHINGTON, D.C.– In a move that may very well go down in history as both daring and the first step on a long road to the utter destruction of the races of men, long-serving Kentucky senator Mitch McConnell announced at a press conference on Sunday that he would be stepping down from his newly acquired senate majority leader position and placing all of his support firmly behind an appointed replacement, senatorial newcomer Sauron the Dark...

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