WASHINGTON D.C. –
Incumbent vice-president Joe Biden has had a tough time trying to decide what costume to wear for Halloween. Even though the holiday has already passed, the former senator is still struggling to make a game-time decision between a number of excellent costume choices.
According to White House Director of Communications Dan Pfeiffer, Biden was enthralled by the abundance of costumes available at first.
“From Dog the Booty Hunter, to drunk Santa Claus, to a one night stand, there seemed to be no shortage of good material,” Pfieffer said. “However, Joe didn’t foresee that the plethora of choices would make his ultimate decision a difficult one.”Pfeiffer added that Biden, presiding officer of the senate and first person in the presidential line of succession, has been in and out of costumes all week.
The most humorous one so far has been a human centipede costume, in which Biden attached Romney and Ryan cardboard cutouts behind him. Biden reportedly “exploded into a hearty guffaw which attracted the attention of White House security staff” upon seeing his reflection in the mirror.
Other possibilities Biden has explored include a banana suit, a neon-green Borat mankini, and a beard and wig get-up that makes him look “almost entirely like Zach Galifinakis.”
Sources indicate that at one point Biden contemplated going for a couples costume with Jill Biden, but his plans fell through after she refused to wear a sexy Luigi costume.
A large percentage of pundits argue that Biden’s Halloween costume choice could make or break the Obama presidential ticket. Time seems to be running out on the six-term senator from Delaware.
Furthermore, Biden has been criticized by the Romney campaign for his wishy-washy attitude. Romney Press Secretary Andrea Saul went on record last week saying that Biden’s “flip-flopping [has been inexcusable,” adding that, “just a few weeks ago, he was planning on going black-face to portray Jimi Hendrix, wasn’t he? What happened to that idea? He’s also claimed that he was going to be Michael Phelps by getting high and wearing nothing but a Speedo, but he’s flip-flopped out of that one, too.”
“Plus, Halloween was like two days ago,” Saul added.
As of press time, Biden had contacted the CIA and NASA concerning whether they could supply him with some kickass gadgets to compliment a Batman costume.
Presidential candidates’ wives Ann Romney and Michelle Obama took top honors in a Capitol Hill costume contest earlier this week Romney sweeped the field with her homemade Big Bird costume. Sources claim the choice of costume was a snub at her husband, Mitt, after he announced he would cut funding for PBS if in office. Obama won second place with her sexy Luigi costume. She claims she took the idea from Biden after his wife refused to participate in the couples costume.
“The idea was too good to pass up. The minute Jill said she didn’t want to be sexy Luigi, I jumped on the opportunity,” Obama said.
In related news, Paul Ryan dressed up as a relatable human being for Halloween.