University of Kentucky To Add MRS Program

Published on Aug 23, 2014 in Campus, Features, Front Page

Last week, the University of Kentucky announced its newest program, designed to prepare many of UK’s lovely ladies for the long-term position of their dreams: wife. According to the Dean of Students, the program is meant to meet the needs of a surprisingly large demographic of UK students, providing a set coursework with two major pathways in order to best prepare women for their brilliant futures as wives.   Despite an initial fear of...

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Flocks of Graduate Students Begin Yearly Migration From Patterson Office Tower to Willy T

Published on Mar 7, 2014 in Campus, Front Page

Lexington — It’s February which means that the graduate students have begun their annual return back south to Willy T. This time of year always peaks interest in the study of graduate student behavior, especially that of traveling in packs around campus. The Colonel sat down with Lexington ornithologist Jack Willis to get a better understanding of the graduates’ behaviors. “The first thing you’ll notice is that they...

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Student Uses Pencil Sharpener; Classmates Panic

Published on Mar 5, 2014 in Campus, Front Page

University of Kentucky – Last Thursday, an unsuspecting 8AM circuits class in FPAT (if you don’t know where that is, don’t worry, it’s for the smart people) was about to get rocked. In the middle of a lecture, second-year engineering student Lee Cooper ran his No.2 Paper-Mate pencil just a little too dull. He proceeded to stand up, walk to the rusty, cobwebbed pencil-sharpener, insert his pencil, and slowly crank the knob. Upon hearing...

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Graphic Propaganda Displayed on Campus

Published on Feb 11, 2014 in Campus, Front Page

LEXINGTON—Students were startled at pictures of holocaust victims and playboy models displayed outside the Whitehall Classroom Building on Wednesday, November 13. The Center for Bio-Ethical Reform, a national anti-sex group that holds demonstrations on many college campuses, erected signs and passed out pamphlets at the request of the UK Christian Student Fellowship. “WARNING GENOCIDE PHOTOS AHEAD” signs were placed along the walkways...

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2014 Budget Revealed: Faculty Salaries Completely Cut

Published on Nov 21, 2013 in Campus, Front Page

E. Britt Brockman, Chair of the UK Board of Trustees, released the 2014-2015 budget on Monday. To exactly no one’s surprise, the budget reveals a startling swathe of radical new cuts. What was surprising was that faculty salaries have been completely removed from the budget. “Honestly, I was shocked,” said sociology assistant professor, Dr. Elizabeth Pratt. “I just got this tenure-track job four years ago. I was up for tenure this...

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