Horoscope 11/12/12 – 11/19/12

Published on Nov 13, 2012 in Horoscopes

Aries (March 21 – April 19) You will die in a tragic snowboarding accident and immediately regret your life of shameless promiscuity as you are reincarnated as a sea cucumber. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) You will receive two creepy stares and a miniature Bible on your Thursday walk to class. Gemini (May 21 – June 20) Wise men say: only fools rush in. And they are correct; you shouldn’t rush into your decision on marrying Christian...

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Horoscope Forecast 11/5/12-11/11/12

Published on Nov 5, 2012 in Horoscopes

Aries (March 21 – April 19) Do you know what an “endoplasmic reticulum” is? If not, it might be time for you to stop procrasturbating and start studying. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) Your roommate will have more friend requests, more messages, and way more notifications than you during the course of this week. But the joke will ultimately be on her: you will receive two more heartfelt compliments. Gemini (May 21 – June 20) If you have...

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Horoscope Forecast 10/8/12 – 10/14/12

Published on Oct 8, 2012 in Horoscopes

Aries (March 21 – April 19) You’ll enjoy a little bit of chicken fried; cold beer on a Friday night. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) The acute triangular positioning of Jupiter, Neptune, and Uranus this week suggests that it may be time to for you to lay off of the crystal meth. Gemini (May 21 – June 20) Patience is a virtue. On that note, you should definitely not wait until the end of the week to figure out that your roommate has been...

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Horoscope Forecast 10/1/12 – 10/7/12

Published on Oct 1, 2012 in Horoscopes

Aries (March 21 – April 19) You will find love in a hopeless place. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) You should face your problems this week, instead of running away from them. That is, except for the 400-pound Grizzly bear rapidly approaching you right now. Gemini (May 21 – June 20) Remember that sometimes you’re the windshield and sometimes you’re the bug. Unfortunately, no matter which of the two you are this week, you’ll be...

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