This morning, UK junior Hayley Riney caught her boyfriend of three weeks, Ryan Smith, watching porn on the internet. Riney states that she was shocked to find out that “real men” watched trash. Smith has yet to deny watching “Crazy Hot Lesbian Banged in the Shower” online.

Riney is currently performing the silent treatment and withholding sex from Smith until she receives a formal apology. When asked what she expects from Smith, Riney replied, “Roses, candy, and eye-contact during sex would be nice.”

“Porn is disgusting and degrades women. We’re not ‘play things’” she noted. As of press time, Riney could be found consulting her friends (who believe she should breakup with his ass) and eating large amounts of Ben and Jerry’s to cope.

Smith explained that this is the first time he was caught in the act. He said he was lucky to have gone this long without Riney finding out. Smith plans to wait this incident out—which is usually his go to method with all things relationship.

“Hayley has high expectations of me,” Smith said. “Her getting mad is a weekly occurrence.” Smith states in the meantime he will be watching amateur porn online and waiting for Riney to come crawling back to him.

By Richard S. Keith