Mountain View, CA – Recent years have proven that Google is much more than just a search engine; it’s an empire. While some argue that Google needs to focus on making its search engine better, there’s no denying that they’re making an impact on the world of technology. Google’s next release is sure to have your nerves (the ones right around your groin area) tingling with anticipation.

Google plans to release the new Google Condom by June of 2014, with its slogan “I’m Feeling Lucky”. Larry Page, CEO of Google, expects the product to be hugely successful. “The ultimate goal is to run Trojan and any other condom competitor out of business. This goes the same for literally everything else. We won’t stop until Google runs every function of your life. Soon, you’ll have to sign into your Google account before you take a poops.” The interview ended abruptly as Mr. Page was overcome by maniacal laughter.

The product will be electronically synced up with your online account so if you try to engage in sexual activities without signing in, 100,000 volts will be sent through you and your partner(s). And if you’re bigger than average, Google will also be releasing the Google Plus.

by Donald Books