Lexington — It’s February which means that the graduate students have begun their annual return back south to Willy T. This time of year always peaks interest in the study of graduate student behavior, especially that of traveling in packs around campus. The Colonel sat down with Lexington ornithologist Jack Willis to get a better understanding of the graduates’ behaviors.

“The first thing you’ll notice is that they rarely travel in alone, usually in packs of four or more,” Dr. Willis explained. This is done, he added, as a defense mechanism to defend themselves against the more dominant Graduate Faculty Advisers.

While most graduate students are known to survive off of Pazzo’s beer and pizza, some of the older ones are known to feed off the tears of unfortunate undergraduates.

When we asked why they choose the library, Dr. Willis said, “the best explanation we have for this migration is that Willy T is the first place that many of these graduate students will go to once they leave their Adviser’s nest.”

There is still much to be learned about the mysterious graduate student and their somewhat peculiar behaviors. What can be assured is that the Colonel will keep you, the readers, informed on future developments.

by Frank Furter