President Barack Obama returned home to the White House late last Sunday after a long day of building his empire when he was surprised by an Imperialist Intervention.

Many were in attendance: his closest friends Dick Cheney and Rupert Murdoch, his wife, distant relatives from Kenya, and even the Jonas Brothers (whom the young Obama sisters were delighted to see).

Everyone spoke from personal experiences so as to create an open dialogue and have honest conversation.

“I didn’t like it when you threatened me with predator drones,” said Nick Jonas, “and to think the FBI’s been using drones to spy on the American people since 2006? That’s very scary for me.”

Dick Cheney continued, “yeah we’re definitely reaping profits from all this warfare through my company Haliburton, and defense contractors like Lockheed Industries, but I think you’re going a little too far. People might start to realize that we’re spending more on the military industrial complex than all other countries combined and wonder where all that money goes to. Pvt. Manning already leaked that 1,300,000 Iraqi civilians have been murdered since 2003.”

“Yeah and quit fucking with our election, or anyone else’s election. We can handle our own elections and we know about the 1953 Iranian coup, the 1973 Chilean coup, the other coups and occupations that have been committed by the US throughout history and through today. Democracy is not stored on the tip of the warhead you know,” said distant cousin Wasib from Kenya.

Michelle Obama closed it off by saying, “I think it’s time to finally admit we’re an empire and admit that we need to take steps away from that. Now come with me to the backyard garden and we’ll wear our shirts made in Bangladesh so that we don’t get our Cambodian dress clothes dirty. We can dig dirt imported from California with our shovels made in China to plant GE avocado seeds from the Dominican Republic for our sandwiches made by five-star chefs.”

“Two words,” the first lady conclude, “predator drones… You think I’m kidding?”

The Colonel reports that Obama later agreed to go to Imperialists Anonymous meetings as the first step is admitting that we have a problem.

by Jermaine Ken Mecrassy