Irish rock band U2 shocked fans September 9th with the release of their album Songs of Innocence. Through a partnership with BlackBerry, their new album is available to all BlackBerry users—for free!

As part of a daring marketing move, U2 made an appearance at the 2014 unveiling of the BlackBerry -6. Lead singer Bono burst onto stage, sending the audience—numbering just over four people and an elderly hamster—into a frenzy.

When asked about their partnership with U2, a BlackBerry executive said, “We found that U2’s vision really aligned with our own. The BB-6 was a step in a daring direction. We’ve improved on our old design to replace the trackball with an actual blackberry. Now our phones are even more aesthetically interesting. Parents love for their kids to eat blackberries, and parents will love U2’s newest album!”

Bono was similarly enthusiastic: “This is part of our determination to stay relevant and to experiment. This project went in more of a punk rock direction . . . I mean, one of our songs is simply titled ‘Oh-oh-oh-ohhh (oh and Joey Ramone too).’ The less words, the better.”

When asked about the band’s goals in the style of release, Bono replied, “Yeah, well, music is measured by how much it’s listened to. We’ve gotta stay on top.”

The exact number of people affected by the release is unknown, but recent data confirms that the album has been downloaded to the phones of approximately two people: President Obama and a middle-aged substitute teacher from Arkansas.

The teacher in question, Arnie Barkwell, said that he had no previous idea that his phone could even play music.

“I was just trying to call my daughter,” Barkwell told reporters. “I was just playin’ with that little berry there, and next thing I knew someone was singin’ to me—outta my phone! It wasn’t even my birthday!”

Asked whether he liked the album, Barkwell’s response was careful. “I think Youtube has a great start. I’m sure they’ll be popular on the . . . on the MyFace.”

The nature of the release has sparked controversy: Arnie is irritated that “Youtube sent their dang Irish leprechaun-minions into his home” to break into his phone. “My dogs didn’t hear nothin’—I don’t know how BonBon coulda climbed into my window without wakin’ ‘em up.”

Byline: Petunia Frisbie